


Decisions

by sweetbutnutty



Category: Gilmore Girls
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-14
Updated: 2020-08-14
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:08:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,030
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25901101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sweetbutnutty/pseuds/sweetbutnutty
Summary: Yet another fanfic continuing the story after the final 4 words.
Relationships: Rory Gilmore/Logan Huntzberger
Kudos: 33





	Decisions

"Mom?"  
"Yeah?"  
"Im pregnant."  
As soon as she heard these 4 words, Rory was struck with inspiration. She knew instantly that they should be the first and the last words in her book.  
Then she waited for her mother to say something. Anything.  
"Are you having a wookie?"  
That would be left out. Definitely.  
"Mom! No, just a baby."  
"Well, that's a relief. It'll cut down on the amount of hair-care products needed before teenagedom."  
"Mooom..."  
"What? Kids are expensive. Saving that kind of money helps."  
"I'm not sure what I'm going to do. If I'm even going to have it."  
"I love you kiddo and whatever you choose I will always love you. It's going to be okay. I mean, no matter what you decide it's going to be hard. But it WILL be okay. And I wont let u do this on your own."  
"Thanks, mom. I love you, too."  
"Sooo...you're SURE its not a wookie?"  
"Nope. Worse. Its a Huntzberger."  
"Well. So it's a literal blast from the past."  
"Ewww, mom!"  
"Yup. I agree. But I doubt that's what you said at the time."  
"Alright! That's enough! You need to go get ready for your wedding now and stop grossing me out!"  
"What? You know I lose my filter when I don't get enough sleep."  
"Mom you don't really have a filter. You're a Gilmore."  
"True."  
There was a moment of silence while they both got lost in their own heads.  
"So. You know your next wedding can't possibly top this one right?"  
"I guess. But it'll still be great."  
"Yeah." Rory lets out a sigh. "I'm so happy for you and Luke."  
"Me too, kid. Me too."  
\-----  
Luke and Lorelai had a beautiful second wedding that day and into the night. It wasn't as magical and intimate as their first, but it was just as special and joyful, as this time the whole town was there with them to celebrate this joining that was years in the making.  
Nobody, not even Kirk, spilled about the smaller, first, impromptu wedding the night before.  
As Luke didn't feel comfortable leaving the diner for long and Lorelai was still dealing with getting the Dragonfly's annex going, they decided on a long weekend away in Providence for a temporary break away and would take their official honeymoon later. Maybe for their first anniversary, they thought.  
Rory was glad to see her mom and Luke finally married and so happily together. She also realized she needed to take some time alone to think and plan and make some decisions, so she was relieved they would be out of town for a few days.  
Pro/con list, here she comes. Don't let her down now.  
\-----  
When she finished her list, Rory sat back and sighed. There were so many items in the con side. Her life was in a terrible state and it wasn't an ideal time to add another person's life, existence and responsibility to the mix. Truthfully, however, Rory knew there never really was a "perfect" time for kids. But there seemed to be SO MANY things against it right now it was rather disheartening.  
And on the pro side...it's Logan's. While logically she knew she hadn't loved him for forever, it certainly didn't feel that way. Her heart had been his for so long now. And he was such a great guy. The world could always use more great people in the world and she couldn't help wanting to meet someone who came from Logan. Came from them.  
Oh, but back to the con list. His life wasn't exactly ready for her to impose this on him. He chose to follow the Dynastic Plan instead of choosing her. But, truthfully, she hadn't asked him to choose her. She had been terrified he wouldn't. It made her so aware of the bravery it had taken for him to propose all those years ago. She knew he was brave sometimes --most of the time-- because he didn't feel like he was important enough or loved enough to be missed if anything happened to him. But making himself vulnerable to emotional pain...that's where he drew the line. Until her, for some reason.  
She needed help. She needed Lane. This whole thing was going to turn her into a slobbering, sobbing fool from remembering the past if she didn't get some guidance. And she couldn't rely on her mom to help, as she had never been a fan of Logan's. Lane would be able to be impartial.  
Off Rory went to her best friend's house. It was a typical scene of chaos as usual. But there was no doubting the love they all shared.  
When Lane saw the look on her best friend's face, she instantly yelled at the band that she was done practicing for a while. They needed to make themselves some food and take a break.  
"I'm sorry, Lane. I didn't think about interrupting your practice."  
"Don't worry about it. That's pretty much all we really do on the weekends so we can stand to take a day off. What's with the look? Are you okay?"  
"Yes and no."  
"Alright. Are you sick or is this something else? You can tell me anything, Rory. You know this, right?"  
"I need help."  
"Anything I can do, I will. You know that."  
"Im pregnant."  
"Oh."  
"Yeah. Pretty much."  
"Okay. So you don't seem to be overjoyed right now. No judgement."  
"I haven't decided what to do about it."  
"Okay. Well, it IS a tough decision. It'll be hard, whatever choice you make."  
"I made a list."  
"Of course."  
"There are so many reasons not to...have it."  
"There is no perfect time to have kids. Just better or worse."  
"That's what I thought, too. So I realized that those reasons, while valid and important, weren't an automatic win."  
"What do you have in the 'pro' column?"  
"It's Logan's."  
"Wow. Okay. Did...did I know this was a thing and just forget it?"  
"No. I didn't tell anyone. He's, um, he's engaged to be married. We met in Hamburg a couple years ago by accident and..."  
"And now you need a list."  
"I broke it off with him in October. That's when this happened."  
"Have you told him yet?"  
"No, just mom and now you."  
"I think you should tell him. NOT because he gets the final say in what happens. This is your body and your life, ultimately. But you would at least know what kind of involvement, if any, he would have. If you make that decision."  
"I had thought I wouldn't need to tell him until I decided. But you're right. This affects him, too."  
"Are you leaning any particular way yet?"  
"Maybe. I have loved him for so long and so deeply and... I have dreamed of being able to share this with him. But I couldn't say yes when I graduated. I just couldn't. Not right then. I wanted to. God, did I want to! But I wasn't ready. I was scared. I'm still scared."  
"And that's okay, Rory. It was alright then for you to be scared and it is especially right for you to be now. But you are on a time limit for this decision. Which only YOU can make. I can listen to you all you need. I always will. But I can't decide what is best for you. I will support you, though. Whatever you decide. As long as it's what is right FOR YOU."  
"Thank you, Lane. For everything. I don't know what I would have done without you as a best friend."  
"Well, you won't ever have to find out."  
Rory stuck around for a little while longer and listened to the band rehearse before walking back to her mom's house. Once there, she thought and planned and packed. She wrote a note for her mom and left to go to the airport.  
\-----  
Being Rory, she found comfort in the written word. So she decided to write a letter to Logan. They had had an unspoken rule not to bring up much from the past during their Vegas arrangement, so had never had any talk that could have cleared the air or lead to healing. She realized that would be a very important step if they were to move forward.

Dearest Logan,  
I have so much to say to you and I hope by writing you this letter I don't leave out anything important. I need you to read this in full before saying anything or asking any questions. Please.  
I love you. I am saying this now and without provocation so that you are fully informed of everything about me and the goal of this letter. You are loved. I do not love you for your name or money or any reason other than that you are you. You are a wonderful man. You are flawed, as every person is. But you are good and you are worthy of every happiness and you deserve to love and be loved. Regardless of what comes after this, I will love you. There is no obligation to reciprocate. There is no need to do anything except exist. You being you is why I love you. I feel as though I always have. And I know I always will. No matter what. This is simply my joy to feel and share with you. It is no burden. It never has been. It never will be. I love you.  
I don't think I ever told you enough that you were loved or how special and wonderful you are. For this, I apologize. I should have made sure you never doubted any of those facts.  
You proposed to me years ago. Maybe you remember? Well, we never spoke of it again once I told you 'not now.' You were hurt and angry and you gave me an ultimatum. So there really was no choice. We couldn't have started a life together when you knew I was there as a result of an ultimatum. It would not have worked out.  
I would like to let you know something I didn't really get a chance to tell you before. I wanted that life with you. I wanted us to be married and together and in love for the rest of our lives. I wanted us to have one or two children eventually. I wanted a whole life immersed in loving you and being loved by you. But I couldn't right then. I needed time to see if I was worthy. If I had earned it.  
My mom had me very young, as you know. She pushed me to have the life she had been denied by my very existence. Our whole life had been a goal of me doing more and better than she had. My grandparents believed I was their next hope for showing off. I am an excellent student. I follow directions well. I do what I am told. I see why your father said what he did at the end of that internship.  
I am not trying to blame anyone for the decisions I made that hurt you. I am responsible for doing that. But perhaps with some context you might see better that it wasn't you or your love or a future with you that I wanted to put off? I was simply trying to earn it, as I had had to earn everything else in my life.  
And then there was the ultimatum. That was an awful move on your part. But. You made your decision as well. When we met up in Hamburg, I still had nothing to show for my struggles. I hadn't earned you. And I had hurt you so much that you had left me. So I decided I would take what I could get. Vegas. It hurt, but it was better than the nothing I had had of you.  
I asked you if you were going to marry her. I didn't ask you not to. I didn't tell you I wanted you. I was scared. And you said that was the Dynastic Plan. You didn't say if you wanted to go through with it or rebel. You didn't say that you didn't want her. You didn't say you wanted me. Neither of us said anything. I don't know if you would have chosen me if I had let you know that I was an option. WE were an option.  
I hate that I have to do this to you now. Because I love you and you don't deserve to have the weight of that on you. Love should be what keeps you afloat, not drowns you.  
I am pregnant. That beautiful, magical, bittersweet night in New Hampshire is a gift that has stayed with me.  
I haven't decided what to do about it yet. If I do anything. You know my need for pro/con lists. There are so many cons right now. But the only thing in the pro column is that this is a part of you. It is a physical embodiment of my love for you.  
Which, of course, means that it came at the exact wrong time and will have an awful impact on your life if I let nature takes its course. I wanted to let you know, so that I could make an informed decision. If I choose life with this child, will you be there for them? Will she? Will you decide I have ruined your life enough times finally and write us off? Do you prefer that this problem no longer exists? Yes, ultimately, it is my body, my decision, but it's possibly our lives that are affected. You have every right to tell me you want nothing to do with me or our child. I would understand. Regardless of what you want in regards to this situation, I love you. I will always love you. You deserve love and happiness and I hope you finally get it all. I would like to be around to see it, even if it would hurt if it isn't me you find all of that with. I also understand if you don't want me having anything to do with your life or your friends.  
I am sorry to have to bring this upheaval into your life. But I am not sorry to have had the privilege of having you in my life. Nor will I ever be sorry for that.  
Your  
Ace

Rory wasn't entirely satisfied with the letter. She really could have done better, she felt, if she had taken more time and thought more about it. It was really more of a stream of consciousness than any true decision on what to write. Hopefully Logan would still speak 'Rory' enough to understand.  
When she arrived in London, Rory knew her time was up. It was now or never. So she went directly to Logan's office. Though she had not been there before, she knew where it was. She gave her name to the receptionist and admitted she had no appointment. She was prepared to wait however long Mr. Logan Huntzberger needed her to. So she was somewhat surprised and unprepared when, in less than ten minutes, he walked up to her, smiling.  
He lead her back to his office, offered her a drink and sat next to her in front of his desk.  
"This is a surprise."  
"I didn't want to chance being interrupted at your home, so I hoped you wouldn't mind too much if I came here."  
"Of course not. I never mind getting to see you. How are you?"  
"I wrote you a letter. I need you to read it."  
"Sure. Are you okay, Rory?"  
"Please. Just read the letter. Then we can talk."  
As he begins reading, she gets up and wanders over to his office window which looks out over London. It's a beautiful city, full of history. Not just theirs, but that is all she can think of or remember right at this moment.  
After a while, Rory turns and sees Logan still reading. Funny, he should have been finished by now. She continues to stand and watch him. These may be the last moments she gets to see him for the rest of her life and it hits her harder now than it did that last night. Or morning.  
He slowly looks at her and peruses her body from head to toes, as though he has never seen her before.  
She feels herself trembling, finally terrified for the first time since she took those pregnancy tests. The reality of what is happening has finally hit her. It is no longer an abstract but an absolute reality. Oh, god. What if he hates her?  
"Logan? Are you going to say something? Anything?"  
"I can't."  
"Oh. Okay. Well I did tell you you aren't under any obligation. Didn't I? I meant to. I don't really know what I wrote. I just let it all flow out. But...you can't, and that's okay. I just felt you should know. So...I guess I will go now. Did you...do you want to know what I decide?"  
"You can't."  
"Alright. I won't bother you any further. I hope--"  
"No!"  
Rory jumps as he raises his voice. She's never seen him look like he does right now. She's worried about him.  
"Um, 'no'? What do you mean, 'no'? Are you okay, Logan?"  
"Give me a damn minute!"  
Rory's eyes widen and she takes a step back. He rarely ever cursed at her or even around her, except during moments of passion.  
"Sit down, please. I feel like you're going to bolt any second."  
She carefully sits in the chair next to him and waits, confused.  
"Why were you going to run out of here?"  
"You said you can't, so...I..."  
"I meant I can't speak. It took me a few moments to get my brain to...I don't know. Slow down? Start? I'm not sure which is more accurate, really."  
"Oh. Oh! I'm sorry. I just, it's just I don't want to make this any worse than it is. And I thought..."  
"You thought I didn't want you or to have anything to do with this."  
"Well, yes."  
"I have always tried to step up for you. Be what you deserve, who you want and need. I may not have had any clue what I'm doing or how to do it, but I have always tried."  
"You've always been there when I needed you."  
"Then why do you have so little faith in me? Am I still that much of a disappointment, that much of a screw-up in your eyes?"  
"No! Logan, no! You've never been either of those to me. I just...I know this is a crappy situation to put you in and I don't want to make it worse for you."  
"You being pregnant with our child is not and could never be a 'crappy situation'. Unexpected, yes. Unless... Do you not want it?"  
"I don't know. Logan, I'm scared. I'm not in a good place in my life or career right now. But that's fixable. My mom at least showed me that. But. Will I ruin everything? Your life and your plans? How badly will I mess this kid up if I have it? How terrible of a mother will I be and how much will it hate me?"  
"Rory. Ace. My life and my plans since I met you and fell in love with you have been really simple. You. That's who and what I have always wanted. Everything else has been extra. And nobody that has ever met you could possibly hate you. As hard as you try to excel at everything you try, there's no way you could be a terrible mom."  
"But what do YOU want, Logan?"  
"The same thing I have always wanted. You."  
"But what about...this? And...her?"  
"The Odette situation would never have happened if I had known I could have you fully with me as my partner."  
"And this?"  
"I can't make the decision for you. I wouldn't. That's not my right. However, if you decide to have the baby, I will be in its life however I can. Whether we are together or not."  
"Ok."  
"What does that mean, Ace?"  
"I want...I want you. I want US. If that's an option. And I think I want our baby. You will help me not mess it up too much, won't you?"  
"Oh, god, Ace. I promise to help you, if you promise to help me not screw it up like Mitchum and Shira."  
"You wouldn't. You couldn't."  
"I want us to be together. I love you. Can I make a wild suggestion, though?"  
"Yes, of course." She chuckles. "It's kind of your turn, after I dumped all this on you."  
"Well, what if we go to counseling? We have issues to work on both separately and together. I don't want to lose you ever again. And maybe it will help us be better parents?"  
"Um, wow. Sure, okay. That's a really good idea, actually. See? I knew you were more than just a pretty face."  
"Sure, Ace. So how are you feeling? Are you hungry? When did you get in?"  
"I dropped my bags at the hotel and came straight here after I got in. So, a few hours ago?"  
"How are you feeling? Are you hungry?"  
"I am hungry, now. I couldn't eat before. I feel...great. Still worried and all, but way better than I have been."  
"Good. What do you say we get out of here and go get you fed? I'm a little unnerved at the thought of what a pregnant Gilmore's appetite is like, though. Good thing I have plenty of money."  
"Wait. Logan? You do know that's not what I want you for, don't you? It never has been."  
"I know, Ace. But it doesn't hurt. Most of the time."  
"I really don't care. Except that it's always been a big reason for your parents not treating you right. They are too wrapped up in it, as though it matters more than people do. But, Logan, YOU matter. Not money."  
"I know that's true for you, Rory. It always has been yet another reason you have been exceptional in my life."  
"Logan?"  
"Yes?"  
"Can I have something from you?"  
"Isn't that why you're here? I gave you something?"  
"A kiss? Please? I've missed you so much."  
"I will gladly give you all you want, Ace."  
They stood for several minutes, lost in each other and their reunion. It was sweet and passionate and comforting. It was giving, taking, loving. It was them. Again. Finally.  
\-----  
As they walked out, Logan told his assistant that he would be unavailable for the rest of the day and he was not to be disturbed by anyone for any reason. Even if the world or the company was coming to an end. The man's eyes got slightly bigger but otherwise he didn't react except to agree he would take care of it.  
They went to a local pub they hadn't been to and talked over their lunch. rory caught him up on her family and her town and he spoke of their friends. By unspoken agreement, they would hold the heavier subjects for later. After.  
They went to her hotel room and made love. It was as hot and as beautiful as always. More than it had been during their Vegas arrangement. Which they acknowledged. And thus opened the floodgates to the heavier, less pleasant subjects.  
Logan would need to officially break it off with Odette. And they decided that if Mitchum behaved, they would remain in London for a while. But if he reacted as was his norm when it came to his son making his own decisions, then Logan would quit and they would move back to the States. They were happy enough with either location.  
Rory would go back to Stars Hollow and let her mom know about the life they had decided on. He worried about that. About her mother's influence on her. And he told her.  
For once, she didn't get defensive or angry. She understood. But she assured him they were in this together.  
"You jump, I jump, Jack?" he asked, half teasing.  
"Always." She was completely serious. He nodded. He got it. He would have faith.  
They knew their life would be far from perfect. Just for the immediate future, it would be rough and messy and difficult. Full of opposition from others. But they promised to talk about things. Together. Decide things together. Be a team, united against the world. And get help. The therapy would be both individual and as a couple.  
Then, they spoke of the possibilities of the future. She wanted to finish her book. But she didn't want to be in journalism any longer. It wasn't the right fit for her. It didn't drive her. She had always loved researching for her articles and the writing of them, but she didn't know how that could translate into anything besides being an author. Rory didn't really see herself as an author. Maybe it would happen. But until then, maybe she could focus her talents in some other direction? She mentioned possibly becoming a research assistant. She had looked into both the duties and the requirements for it. While the job didn't pay a lot, she didn't know if she could work for more than one person at a time to increase her income. If nothing else, it would allow her some flexibility in her schedule. And she did have that inheritance from her grandfather that she could use to contribute to their life.  
She felt more hope for herself and her future than she had in a long time. She also felt more grounded, more secure. So her life wasn't what she had pictured or anyone else had pictured for her when she was young. Things change. She finally realized that changing plans didn't mean failure. It meant she was merely making adjustments so that she could attain the goals she truly wanted and discard those that didn't help her or make her happy.  
Logan was content for the first time in years. He had his beautiful, witty, amazing Ace in his arms and in his future. They would have a child born of their love for each other. Though the thought of becoming a father terrified him, he was also thrilled. He vowed he would do whatever he had to to NOT become Mitchum Huntzberger. He knew without a doubt that if he were to have had a child with Odette, wouldn't be near as happy. It wouldn't be quite as special or as loved, though he likes to think he still would have done well by the child. He's just very glad he doesn't have to worry about that now. Rory will help him be a good father to their child. And he will do his beat to be a good partner to her.  
"Rory?"  
"Yeah?"  
"No pressure and no ultimatums now. Do you want to get married?"  
"Is that something you want, Logan? I mean really and truly do you want it? Or is it what you have been raised to expect?"  
"I want it. With you, I want everything. But if you don't want to now or ever then I can live without it. As long as I have you and we are together."  
"Then, Logan Huntzberger, will you marry me? I don't have a ring or anything, but you already have my heart. Always have. Forever will."  
"Yes, Rory Gilmore, I will marry you. You have my heart. Always have. Forever will. But I will get you a ring soon."  
They decide how they will break the news to everyone. It will be a separate endeavor to break it to their parents. Then they would join forces to tell Emily and their friends. They could already see the boys. They would be ecstatic that the couple was together again and this time getting married. And they would then fight over who the favorite uncle would be. They both guessed Finn. Though they were sure Colin would be much beloved as well. They laughed at the thought of Emily's reaction. Would she go right back to her Hartford ways and expect a big society to-do or would she keep her more relaxed, family is more important than society's expectations outlook?  
They discussed the baby. He wanted a little girl who looked just like her while she wanted a little boy who looked just like him. They laughed at themselves and how cute it all was. In the end, they decided they would be happy with whichever healthy and happy bundle of joy they got. And they would shield the child from the weight and expectations of being anyone or anything other than themself, as long as that self was a good person.  
\-----  
When Rory made her way back to Stars Hollow, she first went to Lane's house to tell her what had been decided. They had their squealing and excitement and celebration that they didn't get to have before. They lamented that they might be living so far away from each other, but neither doubted that they would remain the close and dependable friends they always had been.  
Lorelai didn't take the news of her leaving happily. This would be her first, possibly only grandchild. She wasn't keen on not being there for her daughter or grandchild. But she saw Rory was happier than she had been in years. And her child had been away for years, in reality. She made sure Rory knew she and any children she had would always have a home with her. Then she decided to leave the sadness til later. She still had Rory for now and they were finally able to celebrate the roads their lives had taken. They were Gilmore girls. They loved and supported each other. This was just the next leg of the adventure of life.


End file.
